Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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