oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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