I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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