I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
