evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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