is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
