yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
