hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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