Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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