i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
