Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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