I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
