He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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