life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
