Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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