how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
