fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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