i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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