I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
