I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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