I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
