The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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