can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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