i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
