in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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