the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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