hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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