I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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