Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
