There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize