I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I could make wine with my vomit
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
