Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
