Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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