You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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