A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
