I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
