u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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