woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
