I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
