Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
