Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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