Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
