you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
