At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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