Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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