highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
