I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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