even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
