it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize