Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
