I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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